South Park Self

thirty white horses on a red hill

It's not surprising that I hate going to the dentist, everyone hates going to the dentist. Having someone else poke around inside your mouth is an uncomfortably intimate sort of thing even without the pain and the grinding noises and the horrible little supersonic whines of the drills. But I really hate going to the oral hygienist, in whose chair I've just spent an ungodly half an hour. I'm very rigorous about brushing my teeth, but her exertions make me feel as though I've been caught out living in a filthy house with an unmade bed. And she always guilt trips me about flossing.

Flossing is the curse of modern Western civilisation. Who really flosses, anyway? It's the perfect millstone around our neck, compounded of a horrible constellation of impulses - health, beauty, self-discipline, inconvenience, guilt, pain, boredom. I'm very bad at remembering to do it because to me it feels as though it's about beauty: it suggests that I should be aspiring to shiny white toothpaste-advertisement teeth, and I mentally classify it under the same heading as wearing make-up or blow-drying my hair. These activities nark me off not just because they're about superficial ideas of beauty, but because they demand that I take time pandering to them. Life's too short to spend half an hour every morning blow-drying, making yourself up, and flossing.

Of course, this is utterly wrong. Flossing isn't just about shiny white Tom Cruise teeth, it's about preventing plaque build-up and therefore about reduced fillings and healthier teeth, insert dental infomercial here, and less time in the dentist's chair in the long run. I'm perfectly aware of this, and therefore my time with the oral hygienist is nicely balanced between resentment, pain, guilt and self-loathing, with a side order of Herodotus's crocodile (little tooth-cleaning bird in my mouth! crunch!) and my heels lifting several inches off the chair in sheer muscular tension. She's right. I should floss. But I probably won't.

Last Night I Dreamed I threw over this admin job and emigrated to Nicaragua, where an unspecified nice man had promised me and a bunch of other people new jobs, which turned out to be in (surprise!) university admin. At some stage I was sleeping in a sleeping bag out on a hillside somewhere, and woke up with the dawn to find myself surrounded by the beautiful, half-tamed jaguars which belonged to the resistance movement.
  • Current Mood: annoyed dentally scoured
Somehow it figures, with the Swissness and all. Although I bet my Evil Landlord doesn't, so we can't really attribute it to the Germanic efficiency or anything. I am happy, however, to be in good company in my Lesser Mortal status with regard to flossing.
Alas, no, it would be kinda fun to share them :>. They seem to be on a sharply rising curve in terms of surreality at the moment, the night before was Zach Galifianakis parking his light aircraft on the porch in order to overcharge me horribly for fixing a sofa. And last night was flying zombies. I'm rather looking forward to tonight. The jaguars were incredibly beautiful and only slightly alarming.
If you use a decent electric toothbrush, it reduces your plaque build-up, and hence your need to floss, substantially. MUCH easier.

I have, on occasion, flossed my son's teeth :D. He's not keen.
You interest me strangely. What's the precise definition of a "decent" electric toothbrush? For some reason I'm imagining it with those little Victorian piano-leg frills on its handle.
Hee. Indecent toothbrush. Also, the electric toothbrush fan page is one of those bizarre things that's only really possible on the internet. Bizarre, and useful. Thank you.
I floss, because my dentist keeps chiding me for not doing so. My eating patterns - snacking, and eating many sweets - means I need to look after my teeth.
Yes, well, we all need to look after our teeth. I also need to clean out my inbox, tidy the playroom, do some gardening, take the cat to the vet, etc.

I also do not floss. Although I own some. Handily on the shelf in the bathroomw with the stuff I actually do use. Sigh.
I'm a superficial beauty regime kinda gal...I don't leave the house with out make up and heels ; most days I wear a corset of some variety...if not stockings and suspenders as well; I blow dry my hair every day (and frequently wear an elaborate up do of some sort); I have my eye brows plucked; my eye lashes tinted; I wax the hairy bits I can reach and pay other people to wax the bits I can't; I paint my toe nails; I have even recently started washing my face (it felt weird moisturising a dirty face)...despite that I have never, ever been able to floss my teeth beyond the perfunctory once or twice after my most recent visit to the dentist :-/

Making myself up=fun
flossing=bloody torture
Wow. Just wow.

I sometimes remember to look at myself in the mirror before I leave the house, to make sure I don't have weird sticky-up bits of hair.

Isn't it fun that we're all different?
Flossie
I floss a lot. It drives me absolutely bonkers when there's something stuck between my teeth. I have gaps between the back teeth from braces and they're just big enough to get food stuck in them. I even have floss in my handbag :P.

Also, if you do not floss the plaque buildup between the teeth can cause bone loss (and the buildup doesn't even need to be that bad). Those two words send shivers down my spine. You're supposed to have little points of jawbone between your teeth but mine are all flat from not flossing. Urgh. Now whenever I eat and don't floss the words "bone loss" float in front of my eyes. My oral hygienist has put the fear of god into me.

Also also, dental work is a personal squick, I hate the thought of having any fillings or other work done (I don't have any fillings and haven't had anything other than braces done). Shudder.

Beware of brushing too hard though. My OH hates electric toothbrushes because people don't use them properly (using the fast setting and holding it in one place too long) and then their gums recede and expose the undentined bits of the teeth and they become sensitive. Like mine :(. There's such a thing as Too-Jealous oral hygiene.