South Park Self

must be all that mutant bear fighting I did this morning

Hee. There's a meme. Memes are usually lame, but this one made me laugh. Gacked off matociquala:

Pick up the nearest book to you.
Turn to page 45.
The first sentence describes your sex life in 2012.


The nearest book to me is a Sookie Stackhouse, Dead in the Family, which is on my desk at work so I can lend it to a student. (Vampire thesis, with digressions into random fun reading). This is already auspicious, but the first sentence on p. 45 is too beautifully fortuitous for words: "You're assuming taking a Were as your date would be offensive...?" I am still chortling. Apparently 2012, while allowing something vaguely resembling action, will not in any way mitigate my frequently catastrophic taste in men. However in general personal terms this actually represents an improvement, so I'm not quibbling.

Today, apart from slightly kinky prognostications, is definitely looking up. A random encounter with my physician this morning on the way back from a blood test has allowed him to formally permit me to both stop the Warfarin, and remove the @^$%@#^$% compression socks which are the bane of my existence in this wretched hot weather. (They are really non-stylish with sandals). My effervescent glee at this release is in no way mitigated by (a) the list of prohibitions and warnings regarding future air travel (pshaw, easy, I can do all that), (b) the prospect of an hour and a half in the dentist's chair this afternoon (implant), (c) the cost of said implant and crown, only partially covered by medical aid (total string of numbers represents fabulous amount with more zeroes than God) or (d) the fact that unspecified builderly dudes of noxious ilk have apparently chosen today as the site of their spirited attempt to undermine the building from beneath, using pneumatic drills. Also, student admission and curriculum angst is on the rise, as is traditional for this time of year. I laugh at all that, and wriggle my toes in ecstatic freedom.

The subject line, by the way, is from Goats. As have been the last three, and as they will be for the foreseeable future. Read Goats to avert the apocalypse. (And to foster particularly trippy dreams. Last night I dreamed a giant, boiling stormcloud over central Cape Town, turning the sky black except for a heavy, thunderous green on the horizon. I stood in the garden and watched as the cloud front advanced on Rondebosch with brutal speed, trailing tentacular cloud tendrils amid which giants stalked. It was fairly epic. I woke up vaguely trying to put up magical shields.)
  • Current Mood: bouncy free! freeeeeee!
  • Current Music: David Bowie. All of it. It was his birthday on Sunday.
Ah yes, I can hear the drills etcetera. Have some tea.

My relevant(?) line is from Engineering Mechanics - Dynamics by Merriam and Kraige. "Note that the quantity g is taken to be positive throughout this text." Hmm, not sure what that says.
I think that's an upbeat prognosis, actually. As usual, it's all in the definitions: you can define g as anything you want. Sex? Satisfaction? Ecstasy? Cabana boys? ...
G-spot satisfaction guaranteed, perhaps? Reminds me I should get onto finding mine so I too can be "positive throughout the sext" :-)
Hmm
The nearest books to me are a First Aid manual and an accounting software manual. I'm not sure which would be a worse choice for this meme.
Re: Hmm
Ok, p45 says: Preset rules exist in order to facilitate simple application of rules.

You can guess which manual it is :)
Hmm 2
"Would you be?"
I didn't answer that. "Besides keeping my eyes open, what do you want me to do?"


Edited at 2012-01-12 01:05 pm (UTC)
Re: Hmm 2
Clearly you are having existential sex this year. Possibly submissive, existential sex. Whatever works for you :>.
Well, in this context impatience is bad, so lack of it is good. On the other hand, entirely emotionless sex is never good. My advice would be to reject this particular oracle and find a different book with a more interesting p.45. Since these oracular statements are entirely meaningless, we should feel free to re-interpret them to order. Dammit.

I second the hurrah for no more Warfarin. I really am feeling immeasurably relieved by the twin lack of rat poison and silly socks.
Cute meme
"After a federal emergency was called in 1978, the US government moved to pass into law the Comprehensive Environmental Response, Compensation and Liability Act (CERCLA or Superfund)."

Well, there's not much middle ground there: it's either really bad or really good.


(The quote is from the closest of the many academic texts on my desk. Could you tell?)
Re: Cute meme
Your 2012 sexual antics are going to be extreme enough to cause a state of federal emergency. Clearly. *awe* And "environmental response" is surely relevant? ;>
Re: Cute meme
No, it says that sexual activity will involve compensation and environmental response. It makes perfect sense!
Oh, dear...I had a client's book on my desk (entitled Demi-lover), page 45 said:

"He put his fingers up inside me; he made me bleed; I bled all over his sheets!"

As a result in 2012 I resolve to examine all potential partners for hang nails and carry soda and spare sheets in my purse!

"I don't want to stop watching the horses," Mandy admitted.

o.O


And there's nothing nicer than getting rid of compressions socks, I had to wear thigh-high ones during my pregnancies, and I *hated* them. Unfettered glee!
Thigh high? uurg. The just-below-knee-height toes-cut-off state of equilibrium I achieved about two weeks after coming out of hospital, was quite bad enough, thank you. I may have to ceremonially burn the wretched things.