South Park Self

if I knew where to begin

The cosmic wossnames have an entirely dubious sense of humour. Not really because they gave me the crisis on top of two days of unrelenting sinus headache, although that was a bit cruel, but rather because their contribution to The Soundtrack Of My Life was so beastly appropriate. I've been trying to deal, over the last 24 hours, with a student who wandered into my office late yesterday afternoon with what I can only amateurishly diagnose as a psychotic break in full operation - an angry voice in his head, a spirit haunting him, the inability to give me his name, the works. I asked him to wait outside my office while I made some calls, and he wandered off and was subsequently undiscoverable. Fortunately he wandered back this afternoon, and I managed to persuade him to allow me to stick him into my car and take him off to the nice psychologists. They have subsequently hospitalised him.

I must confess to being a bit shaken, because the car trip was probably a bloody stupid thing to do under the circumstances, however vaguely calm the student seemed, but I was a little worried that the "he" in his head might take exception if I simply called an ambulance. However, I don't think that the Cosmic Wossnames needed to have timed my car sound system to launch into the Magnetic Fields' "I wish I had an evil twin" as soon as I started it up.

My subject line is, of course, from the song in question, and nicely encapsulates my complete sense of helplessness in the face of this sort of thing. I'm really not trained for it.
Perhaps you should keep a tranquiliser gun in your office. You could use it for crazy students and evil parents.
You are a woman of power, resourcefulness and similar wossnames that Mistress W. would have to approve - even if she did so grudgingly. Stiff drink?
That wol has now been Officially Enjoyed by me and my mother, who is the source of my wol fixation. Thank you! Cute wol noises ftw.