South Park Self

the fight was fixed

At this point 2016 can officially fuck right off and die. Seriously. I do not want this 2016, it is skraaatched. In my personal iconage, it has taken from us David Bowie, Alan Rickman and Sheri S. Tepper. It has given us Brexit, Donald Trump, destructive student protests and cancer in my cat. It and all its works can take a long fiery hike straight into the sun. Today it's the death of Leonard Cohen, who is not quite a personal icon but is still a Significant Good. It feels like adding insult to injury. Also, people keep posting covers of "Hallelujah", which infallibly makes me cry even in circumstances when significant portions of America haven't just lost the collective moral and political plot.

On the upside, Tumblr is circulating relevant post-election Cohen lyrics, namely from "Everybody Knows", which is a favourite of mine and also satisfyingly and appropriately despairing.
everybody knows that the dice are loaded
everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
everybody knows that the war is over
everybody knows the good guys lost
everybody knows the fight was fixed
the poor stay poor, the rich get rich
that’s how it goes
and everybody knows
In this dark time in American politics, I re-recommend you copperbadge's unabashedly fantasy wish-fulfilment political AU with the Avengers taking the White House. Leader of the Free World. Balm to the political soul.

Further in the Department of Frivolous Escapism With Which I Propose To Distract Myself, I hear really positive buzz about Mass Effect: Andromeda, whose release date has been delayed to next year, which is a Good Thing because if they released it in 2016, 2016 would infallibly fuck it up beyond redemption. Interesting details on the game's developments here; I like what they have apparently done to tweak the combat system, and I am really excited about the increased emphasis on character interactions, because as you all know I am a mad and desperate fangirl for Bioware character interactions. The statement "The squadmate with the least amount of lines in Andromeda has more lines than the squadmate with the most amount of lines in ME3" made me go "squeee!", although not quite as ear-splittingly as if they'd replaced "ME3" with "Inquisition". I shall set aside a two-week leave period around Andromeda's release date, upgrade my computer, and permit 2017 to establish its bona fides appropriately while waving two fingers in 2016's general direction. Because really.
2016 killed off my husband and left me with Donald Trump. 2016 can DIAF as far as I'm concerned, and that's before we even get to David Bowie and all the others.
oh my word, I hadn't realised how out of touch I was with your life - I didn't know you had a husband, let alone that you'd lost him. I'm so sorry. This has been an unbelievably shitty year. I hope you're doing OK, as much as you can under the circumstances.
Short version: met the man of my dreams in 2012, introduced by our mutual best friend. Blissful bliss was blissful. In Jan 2015 he was diagnosed with a very aggressive strain of lung cancer. He was a 30 year smoker, so there are no doubts as to the cause. Anyways, surgery, chemo, radiation. Two weeks of quiet ensued in late August, and then we discovered it had metastasized to the brain. Brain surgery last September, marriage in October, couple months of wonderful normal married life before it metastasized again, this time to his spine. Surgery on New Year's Eve last year followed by a pretty much nonstop decline. He was in one of my nursing homes for the last 6 weeks. The cancer gave him dementia, which was really rough. He died on April Fool's Day, 4/1/16, at the age of 48.

It was both the worst and the best experience I have ever had. It brought us SO much closer to one another, and the quality of life we had was just incredible, even as his health declined. I was in charge of managing his health care from the start, and he wanted for absolutely nothing. I was his Valkyrie, and I made sure he got to Valhalla in no pain.

I miss him a lot, of course, but I know I did absolutely everything for him that I could, so I have no regrets whatsoever. I also know without any doubt in my mind that there's already a place in Valhalla for me when it's my time.

Interestingly, the skillset I built to ensure he got the quality medical care he deserved meant that I now have the perfect skillset to become an activist fighting against the new political regime here in the US. I find this hilarious. He would, too.

It's been 6 months, and most of the time now, life is good, with only the occasional rough patch. I inherited his (black) cat, Astrid, and she helps a lot.

Gotta go, it's time to make some phone calls to my senators to tell them I want them to obstruct Trump's scariest cabinet choices. :)

Hugs to you and Wolverine Nun too!


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Is it weird that I find that a really inspiring story? Thank you for sharing it. I am so sorry for your loss, but so glad you had even that short time with him. Also, you are an amazing person, and I wish you all strength with the activism. The responses of furious determination to fight this are the one good thing coming out of American politics right now.